Forget My 7 Quick Takes

This is way better. If it’s not, shoot me a text and I’ll tell you 7 random things. Or you can complain in the form of a comment.

This article comes from The Battalion, Texas A&M University’s student newspaper. It’s written by Alexandra Welsh. I don’t know her, I just go to school with her. And she’s funny. I’ll put the link to the actual article on the bottom.

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah, Taylor Lautner’s abs are glorious, Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah. He’s 18 now, so it’s perfectly OK for me to objectify him like that. That’s all you really need to know about The Twilight Saga: Eclipse to buy a ticket. If I hadn’t seen the entire town at the theater Wednesday at midnight, I would almost deem this review necessary. But here we go anyway.

We left off the last movie, New Moon, with Mr. Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) awkwardly proposing to the love of his insanely long life, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart). Bella is now desperate to become a vampire and lose her virginity, without the pesky institution of marriage ever coming into the picture. Edward, always the gentleman, so virtuous and chaste you never even see him shirtless for the whole two hours and four minutes, is not having any such thing unless he can put a ring on it.

But wait! Does Bella love Edward or her furry hot, hot, hot, werewolf protector Jacob (Lautner)? Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Hair or Team Abs? It’s the question that plagues an entire generation of women, including Miss Swan. I am personally Team Carlisle — Peter Facinelli, my cup of tea — but with the evil Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) still on a revenge hilt to kill Bella after Edward killed her mate James, the poor heroine is so chased and distracted by her impending doom, she barely has time to decide which team she is on.

Victoria is running all over Seattle, puppet mastering a vamp, Riley (Xavier Samuel), to bite his way into forming a newborn vampire army powerful enough to take on the Cullen clan. But thankfully, the Cullens have something Victoria doesn’t see coming, an alliance with a pack of werewolves also hell-bent on keeping Bella safe.

All the sexual tension comes to a boiling point atop a snow-peaked cliff, where Jacob and Edward take Bella to keep her off Victoria’s radar and out of the fray of war happening down below. When tall, dark and handsome Jacob finds out that tall, pale and handsome Edward has asked for Bella’s hand in marriage, all Bella apparently can do is makeout with Jacob in order to get him to stay and not return to the dangers of the battle. That would, of course, be every other girl’s solution as well.

Besides a few inexplicable plot points, like the aforementioned “kiss your friend when he gets jealous in order to protect him” scenario, meant only to raise the blood levels and illicit shrieks from the teenage audience, Eclipse is otherwise more seamlessly pulled together than the previous two films.

The script is tighter and more witty, with Charlie Swan (Billy Burke) once again delivering the best one-liners. The actors have grown more into their characters. Stewart has put a stop to her constant lip biting and hair touching, and you now see only Bella, rather than Stewart fidgeting around pretending to be Bella. It might have been the editing in the previous movies that seemed to leave Pattinson and Lautner’s lines dangling weirdly at the end of scenes while they stared into Stewart’s eyes for an extra 10 seconds, but this time I didn’t find my self laughing at the awkward delivery. Lautner deadpans the funniest line of the movie perfectly, and Pattinson only exhibits a few odd facial expressions this time around.

While the wolves appear weightless onscreen, bouncing airily about unaffected by gravity, and a few of the actors have taken it upon themselves to add accents to their characters which previously did not exist , the film is by far the best of the three. A bigger budget for special effects and a better flow due to a good script, sharper editing and a new director who keeps the transition between soap opera and horror movie from just barely jarring, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse definitely lives up to the hype. Its midnight showings alone grossed over $30 million, breaking the box office record set by the franchise’s predecessor New Moon. If you’re one of the four people who somehow escaped the phenomenon, you might as well hop on board now, as you are sure to enjoy it.


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